Seeing a Friend

cut pine and oak sawdust, sweat dried in fresh air, drips of gasoline and beer 

washing over me as we embrace

fiercely clinging to one another

emotions released, a rush of bubbles to the surface like a Coke on a hot day 

a spray of sticky sweet dusting your face 

our strong bodies firm against one another like two book ends, the pages preserving the petals of history between us

your hands intermittently pulling and tugging at the back of my sweater

as your mind wrestles with what

I can't truly know

but for me

the seedling of 'us' stretches out its roots,

leaves and shoots sprouting rapidly like a virus

I can hardly sleep afterwards

our conflict of desire

eyes not fully meeting until we're drunk

stiff with awkwardness until we've lost inhibition

and then our touching is too much

an intoxication in and of itself

my straddled legs and length of  torso against your back

hands gripping at your hips

the engine roaring loud beneath us

you accelerate, weave through lanes, bring us to the brink of danger 

i wrote you a seven page letter

and spoke of the inadequacies of my lovers

how i feel like i'm really healing

wondering how you are 

you say you're down and out

you've been saying that for years

we're good and drunk, alone in this loud and crowded bar

i tell you to stop telling yourself lies

about what a piece of shit you are

you listen like a man delirious with thirst 

we'll take a long hiatus

scared off by the intensity

at the end of the night

at the end of each goodbye

and the leaves will die back and the shoots will wilt, stiffen and crumble

until 'us' is just a seedling again 

buried deep in the dirt

waiting for water and sunlight

-- 

Carolyn N. Rodgers